Desire is predicated upon how desirable we feel. After menopause we begin to see the physical changes that come with aging. We may feel uneasy or even taken aback. It may become par for the course for us to hear the same negative internal voices playing in the background whenever we catch a glimpse of ourselves in a shop window or in the mirror.
Get Proactive About Sex
It's important to get proactive and not allow those thoughts an opening. Whenever you hear those voices you must shift into a different gear in which you say something nice about yourself. By the same token, when others compliment you, don't allow those negative thoughts any space at all. Just say, "Thank you," and allow the impact of the compliment to take hold so that your gratitude is not just a pat answer. You need to mean those words and feel them deep down inside of you.
It's not an easy struggle, but you are fighting for your self-esteem: your essence and your femininity. If you find it very difficult to change your negativity script, you may wish to seek the help of a professional. Cognitive behavioral therapy fits the bill for this type of problem and a qualified therapist can work wonders for the woman beset by postmenopausal feelings of self-doubt and negativity.
The postmenopausal years are a time when you can grant your inner you permission to flower. Contrary to what the covers of the fashion magazines scream at us, desire starts within and not without. Once you are finished with messy menstruation and the business of bearing children, you have the freedom to find your own, full sexual expression. This may feel strange. It's a bit like going back in time to the years of teenaged narcissism but this is something more substantial; something that is not based on the ephemeral quality of a firm young body. This is about the uniqueness of your personality; something that is much more attractive than fleeting physical beauty. You have permission and now the opportunity to fall in love with the woman you have become.
It's easy to play the escapist and plead too much stress. Look at what we face during peri and postmenopause: parenting teens, empty nest syndrome, and caring for elderly parents or making arrangements for them. Meantime, we are still working at our jobs, caring for our homes, and dealing with marital or other personal relationships. All of these stressors divert our resources from self-actualization. They keep us from making the hormones we need for sex and substitute the production of stress hormones. They leave us with not enough room in our minds for cultivating the thoughts we need to become aroused.
As teens we spent a great deal of time fantasizing about popular musicians or actors as we listened to music or wrote in our diaries. When we think about that time, it seems like time wasted. But all of this dreamy activity taught us how to contact our fantasy lives and delineated our sexual likes and dislikes. We were prepping our psyches to be ready for the passion and love that would arrive in our futures.
It takes a great deal of time to allow this type of creative fantasy and excitement to take flower in the mind. It also requires reducing the stress in your life. Think about how being on vacation allows your sexual desire to increase. Now try to give your mind and spirit the freedom they require to rekindle your enjoyment of sex. You have earned the right.